anastomosis and between the cracks.

Freshman year of college. 
Where. to. begin. 


For lack of a better place to start, let me just say that up until my attendance at MIAD, the last time I had an art class was probably around 5th grade. Yes, seriously. 


I didn't come here because I want to illustrate cartoons or design interiors. 
I came here because I didn't know where else to go, or what else to do. 
I applied to colleges only because it was a requirement for my senior English class. At the time, I had no idea what I wanted to do or where I wanted to be in life. I wanted to take a gap year but was afraid I'd never go back to school and end up being manager of some 7/11 with no dental. 


So when I was accepted into the schools I had applied, I still had not made a decision. I knew that I loved photography and reportive and creative writing, but I didn't know if I had it in me to make a career out of that. 


Then I thought about what I had in me and what kind of a career I could make out of it. 
I never really came up with an answer, but MIAD sent me a nice chunk of change around that time, so I became rather distracted with that shiny nice thing. 


I'm regretting it now. 
Clarification: I don't regret it, but I probably would not make the same decisions I have had I known what I now know. Hindsight is 20/20 they say. 


Anyway, as my wise grandmother told me recently, any kind of an education is never a waste. And she's right. It wasn't a waste. It was just a rather expesinve and dramatic way of going about learning some new drawing skills and color theory. 


Suffice to say, I think I'm coming to the conclusion that MIAD isn't entirely the best place for me, nor am I the best student for it. The one photography class I've had so far is a lot of fun, and I am learning very useful techniques and skills, but it's simply not enough. 


One thing that I really have learned during my time here is that people are the way they're going to be and there's not stopping it. I'm so glad I realized this fairly early on life. It's opened up some doors in my mind I didn't even know were there. It's made me aware of how important it is to be happy in life, since apparently it's a rather short blip in the course of things, and I really don't want to regret a whole lot when I look back on my death bed. (Of course I'll regret some things, but that's what makes life life, right?) I digress. What I'm trying to say is that the most valuable life skill I've learned here is that everyone has a place somewhere, doing something. I thought mine began here, in Milwaukee, going to an art school. 


I don't think it does, though. And I'm still unsure of what it is that will make me a happy person with little to no regrets. I know for certain it doesn't involve visual dynamics or any class having to do with that. It also probably doesn't include stretching canvases or drawing nudes. 


But I'm okay with this. I have to be, and I want to be. There are people out there who are meant to be great at things this school teaches, and luckily for them they're already here! (Oh, how jealous am I...)


This year has been a very emotional and confusing time. I've had some good laughs and some good cries. I'm so glad to have met the people I know will continue to stay in my life whether I attend MIAD or not, and above all I'm thankful for what I've learned does and does not fit my lifestyle. Recognizing these aspects, I believe anyways, is an important task I had to accomplish before I really can get a good old fashioned running start...