anastomosis and between the cracks.

Freshman year of college. 
Where. to. begin. 


For lack of a better place to start, let me just say that up until my attendance at MIAD, the last time I had an art class was probably around 5th grade. Yes, seriously. 


I didn't come here because I want to illustrate cartoons or design interiors. 
I came here because I didn't know where else to go, or what else to do. 
I applied to colleges only because it was a requirement for my senior English class. At the time, I had no idea what I wanted to do or where I wanted to be in life. I wanted to take a gap year but was afraid I'd never go back to school and end up being manager of some 7/11 with no dental. 


So when I was accepted into the schools I had applied, I still had not made a decision. I knew that I loved photography and reportive and creative writing, but I didn't know if I had it in me to make a career out of that. 


Then I thought about what I had in me and what kind of a career I could make out of it. 
I never really came up with an answer, but MIAD sent me a nice chunk of change around that time, so I became rather distracted with that shiny nice thing. 


I'm regretting it now. 
Clarification: I don't regret it, but I probably would not make the same decisions I have had I known what I now know. Hindsight is 20/20 they say. 


Anyway, as my wise grandmother told me recently, any kind of an education is never a waste. And she's right. It wasn't a waste. It was just a rather expesinve and dramatic way of going about learning some new drawing skills and color theory. 


Suffice to say, I think I'm coming to the conclusion that MIAD isn't entirely the best place for me, nor am I the best student for it. The one photography class I've had so far is a lot of fun, and I am learning very useful techniques and skills, but it's simply not enough. 


One thing that I really have learned during my time here is that people are the way they're going to be and there's not stopping it. I'm so glad I realized this fairly early on life. It's opened up some doors in my mind I didn't even know were there. It's made me aware of how important it is to be happy in life, since apparently it's a rather short blip in the course of things, and I really don't want to regret a whole lot when I look back on my death bed. (Of course I'll regret some things, but that's what makes life life, right?) I digress. What I'm trying to say is that the most valuable life skill I've learned here is that everyone has a place somewhere, doing something. I thought mine began here, in Milwaukee, going to an art school. 


I don't think it does, though. And I'm still unsure of what it is that will make me a happy person with little to no regrets. I know for certain it doesn't involve visual dynamics or any class having to do with that. It also probably doesn't include stretching canvases or drawing nudes. 


But I'm okay with this. I have to be, and I want to be. There are people out there who are meant to be great at things this school teaches, and luckily for them they're already here! (Oh, how jealous am I...)


This year has been a very emotional and confusing time. I've had some good laughs and some good cries. I'm so glad to have met the people I know will continue to stay in my life whether I attend MIAD or not, and above all I'm thankful for what I've learned does and does not fit my lifestyle. Recognizing these aspects, I believe anyways, is an important task I had to accomplish before I really can get a good old fashioned running start... 

re-posted.

who is me

Me; art student, aspiring human being.

It's a work in progress, but I'll be the first to let you know when I find out.

But the world loves mysticism and evasiveness. The chase is more fun than the catch, right? So I'll be elusive.

It (my work) helps me to function in a society.

to my audience:

Emotional because I believe that's what any form of art is - emotion put into a certain medium or mediums and presented to an audience. That's what makes art so controversial and so sensitive; emotions are being criticized, judged, accepted.

I've heard various instructors at MIAD speak about how a critique is nothing personal -- "we're just judging your artwork, not you as a person." Well me, as a person, not me as a backpack or as a table, put my own hard work and sadness and joy and anger and expression into this crappy piece of cut out paper and paint because that's what I do. That's what I'm here for. So please, don't sit there and tell me you're not judging me personally. Don't tell me you expect your own audiences to look at your work and not make speculations about you as an artist or as a person or as a person who IS an artist, whether they know you or they don't.

Intuitive because not a whole lot of explaining is typical or expected in the art world. Make up your own stories to fill in my gaps and believe whatever you'd like to believe. If it helps you sleep at night and makes you a happier or sadder person that's on you. I just provide the context.

I promise, I won't intentionally mislead you.

the world at large

Instead, I look to writers, poets, activists, politicians, specific cultures, and the every day human being. Oh, and did I mention musicians? I don't believe I did. Allow me to do so now:

MUSIC, MUSIC, MUSIC.

Being a writer, I think. Every day thoughts and events find themselves intertwined in some new vignette or story idea. Again, constantly. It does get exhausting, at times. Turning off your brain is harder than the anti-drug commercials make it seem.

Anyway, all of this noise - visual, audio, internal... ALL of it is then put forth into writings, ideas, photos, etc.

'tude

I'd like to think of myself as an individual who is inspired by past and present. I tend not to think about the future so much. It's too dismal. But my thoughts occupy themselves impressively with themes of what used to be and what currently is. And from my thoughts and thinks stem my ideas, my notions, my ideas.

I take interest in human life that surrounds me.

Many of the concepts and events that have happened have inspired me in my work, yet they are still channeled through me first.

On artistic focus: Idealization. Naturalism. Romance. Humanism. The list goes on. Explain, you ask? Because these are the things that I deem important and a part of my thought processes. I don't know why, exactly. They just do.

I'm sure these values will change. Indeed, I expect them to. Some may stay, some may go... they're really just the dependent variables of how much life I've lived.

decisions, decisions

An especially important value that I look for in my life is morality. Right versus wrong. Social consciousness. I could give a rat's ass whether someone is gay or straight, black or white, man or woman; as long as they have a good soul and true heart that they follow to the best of their abilities.

the cow has four sides

I'm sure growing up in the current technological revolution that walks hand in hand with an environmental and economical crisis has had more than a little to do with the shaping of my opinions.

So I suppose it's only natural that I would want to incorporate not only awareness but activeness into my work.

Anyway, currently I'm feeling like I need to expand myself culturally in order to create the most true and beneficial work for not only myself but for my fellow world citizens. I also can't be entirely happy or content with myself if I remain as involved in the consumerism world as I am.

Who knows, maybe I'll go become a farmer and take photos of cows. But somehow, I'm still nowhere near the finished results.

I went to the Haggerty Museum....

And I thoroughly enjoyed it.

This is most definitely because it was an exhibition not only on photography (which happens to be right up my alley), but had a particular human interest focus (which is even further up my alley).

The Truth is Not in the Mirror exhibit featured several photographers that I took a great interest in. I hadn't heard of or seen any of their work or names before, as I've never been one to pursue other artists work with much voracity at all. This fact only curated my curiosity and fascination at the photographs exhibited, and made my visit there that much more enjoyable.

Specifically, my attention was mostly captivated by Tina Barney, Larry Sultan, Rineke Dijkstra, The Satorialist, and Alec Soth. Their portraits dealt with “inside looks” into their own personal cultures and/or ideals. Many if not most have some sort of passage of time theme as well, which is something that I connect with very strongly. I consider nostalgia to be one of the most basic of human emotions and very much appreciated how portraits like Dijkstra's Tiergarten series and Barney's Marina and Peter sequence document not only physical growth and age, but incorporate strong emotional aspects as well.

Tiergarten, 1998 (L) Tiergarten, 2003 (R)

Both works deal with the graduation of girl to womanhood, a rather turbulent time (to say the least) for any female - whether captured on film or not. I suppose this has a personal affect on me not only because of similar subject interest, but also because it was an experience that I myself went through.

Marina's Room, 1987

However, because of the compositions and content of the images, it is suffice to say that almost anyone – male or female, young or old – could grasp the concepts and motives in the photographs through the emotionally charged facial expressions and body language that is so artfully framed by the respective photographer. Similarly, Larry Sultan also works in a sentimentally themed area in his photograph, Mom Posing for Me.

Mom Posing for Me, 1984

Although this portrait doesn't deal directly with a coming of age type of an idea, it does have a reminiscent feeling. The way the two figures in the photograph are posed is a large component of the theme, as it depicts not only their relationship with the photographer, who is their son in this case, but also between themselves. Even the title influences the view – it is “Mom” posing, not “Mom and Dad”, despite “dad” being in picture as well. Body language is another key to unlocking this photo, and it is clear that we as viewers are supposed to focus on “mom”, despite her resigned and even somewhat timid stature. I have no doubt that this is commentary on Sultan's view towards his parents – the ever present maternal figure and the distant, preoccupied father. 

the cow has four sides

Blog entry #10: List your potential, current and future Missions as visual creators; expound upon your passions, interests and desired objectives. What will your intended mission be as a contributor to our collective visual culture? 200 word minimum.

Something that has plagued me for quite some time now has been my role as a consumer and producer in this world. I can't pin point the exact moment when I was made aware – or became aware – of this concern, but it's occupied my mind for a while.

I'm sure growing up in the current technological revolution that walks hand in hand with an environmental and economical crisis has had more than a little to do with the shaping of my opinions. I also grew up in a very conscientious household – my mother recycled, my dad biked to work, etc. Throughout high school I myself was in various environmental clubs and activist groups.

So I suppose it's only natural that I would want to incorporate not only awareness but activeness into my work. From the very beginning of my self discovery as a photographer, I've wanted to create awareness. All of my college and scholarship essays were about “showing the world to itself” through my photos and writing. And while I'd still love love love to do this...

Some things have changed. Mainly my values and feelings about what I need to do with my life to make it meaningful. I still have the general “me-ness” to me, but I've been doing a lot of thinking and a lot of fine tuning. And somehow I'm still nowhere near the finished results.

Anyway, currently I'm feeling like I need to expand myself culturally in order to create the most true and beneficial work for not only myself but for my fellow world citizens. I also can't be entirely happy or content with myself if I remain as involved in the consumerism world as I am.

Who knows, maybe I'll go become a farmer and take photos of cows.