my frankenstein blog baby

My portfolio symposium experience was.... interesting. It may have been the fact that I was recently returned from the rally in Madison, but I was feeling unusually feisty and quite unwilling to partake in such an organized event.

To be honest, I was pissed. To be even more honest, it wasn't totally to do with the symposium, but it surely was the icing on the cake. Recently, I've been questioning my decision in not only attending MIAD, but going to school at all. What am I going to do with a degree in photography? I despise marketing, but that seems to be the most common niche out there for aspiring photographers.

Anyway, my ongoing doubts about recent life choices I've made have got me on edge constantly. It's what I think about while I try to fall asleep at night, and what occupies my waking thoughts 95% of the time.

It was particularly bad the night of the symposium because not only had I come from a political protest – at which I was completely in my own element, photographing the days events packed full of emotion and passion – but I also had to come back to school for a virtually pointless meeting. Almost none of the presenters were available to speak with, and the one that I really did have an interest in talking to (not just seeing the work of) rebuffed me while I sifted through her photographs.

However, there was one highlight, and that was that at least one of my questions was answered, and it was answered twice at that.

Was it worth it going to MIAD/other school of choice? Yes. According to these artists, anyways. So bully for them. Obviously it was a struggle, but they all made it out alive and relatively successfully at that.

But what they couldn't answer me was what if school isn't the right choice for someone? What if it ends up being a huge and total waste of money, time, and effort. I know, I know. Any experience/education is a good thing. Yes. This is true. However, these experiences happen to be outrageously expensive and (might negatively)affect the rest of my life.

I apologize if this comes out as a rant against the symposium and the school. I know thats not what this post was supposed to be about, and believe me I did not start off this blog with that specific intention. But in order to write it, in all of its 250-word minimum glory, I had to give a bit of a background as to why I really only had one answer to one of my many questions. 

decisions, decisions

Going through puberty and high school is stressful enough, without the added strain of social pressures. Developing into the human being you want to be is even more difficult.

It seems like it'd be easy enough, right? Just surround yourself with the friends you like and do the things you like to do. But we all know life is't quite so black and white as that. There are temptations, easy ways out, and various other sinful fruits from the proverbial tree of life.

Anyway, despite my "young" age in comparison to my educators, family, and other more seasoned acquaintances, I still have had almost two decades in this world. I've seen terrorist attacks and grown up in the age of vast technological advancements, among other memorable instances.

I've also made my way through multiple friendship circles, brief romantic stints, and other socially molding experiences. Through these adventures, I have come to realize just what and who I do and do not want to surround myself with.

An especially important value that I look for in my life is morality. Right versus wrong. Social consciousness. I could give a rat's ass whether someone is gay or straight, black or white, man or woman; as long as they have a good soul and true heart that they follow to the best of their abilities.

Another aspect that I hold in high regard is simplicity. Our culture has become so greedy and so self entitled that it literally makes me sick. I despise our collective laziness and righteousness. These feelings are a leading contributor in not only my choices of social groups, but also in how I see myself. What have I done to deserve my fancy ass laptop on which I write this assignment? What have I done to deserve the right to even attend this institution? While I pay part of my way through scholarships, the remainder of this ungodly tuition is a constant stress factor on my parents' minds.

So whatever I can do to relieve any sort of complications will help in the long run. We'll see. But here's to the right choices made for the right reasons!

...just kidding.

ode-ish to state of now-ish

I accept, and I question, I try to work out the kinks

I conform, I protest

I have cares, thoughts, and thinks

And every day concerns me, for I still can't seem to find a life quest.

But I'm still me

I still love Winnie the Pooh

My name still starts with a C and ends with an E

And I'd still give anything to live where they call the toilet the loo

Me; art student

Me; aspiring human being

It's just me, ladies and gents

Sitting here: thinking, writing, and seeing.

It's a work in progress

That's so far taken nearly 19 years

At this rate, it'd be faster to pass a bill in congress

Or to outrun the bad luck of broken mirrors.

I direct my work to editors and publicists

I hope to catch the eye of dapper young men,

As well as leaders, humanists and activists

By avoiding the latest fashions and trends.

Many artists bare all with their work

Their passions and pains reflect in their creations

But for me, while behind the camera I lurk

I attempt to show the commotions of the world and its nations.

And I've come to realize

That a picture is worth a thousand words

No matter how much we romanticize or idealize

Cameras see all, like the eyes of a bird.

My work helps me to function

Society is a big huge mess

Often I find myself at crossroads and junctions

Searching for peace amidst the anxiety and stress.

questiones! preguntas!

1. Was attending MIAD (or any other college) worth it? Did you ever question the time and money spent at your institution?

2. What was your dream job going into your freshman year of school? What is it now?

3. Does your work satisfy and fulfill you?

4. How much of your work has a social conscious bearing to it?

5. What are the top few things you wish someone would've advised you while you were in school?

to be continued... 

hollaaa to the polaaa (original response, yo)

'tude.

-Which are you? An artist/designer who chooses to conform to a predecessor or a historic style, or, do you assert your own individual free will through your work? Defend and explain.


Eh. Another either or question. I think we all know by now that I'm not going to be able to give such a black and white answer. 


That being said, let's move on. 


I'd like to think of myself as an individual who is inspired by past and present. I tend not think about the future so much. It's too dismal. But my thoughts occupy themselves impressively with themes of what used to be and what currently is. And from my thoughts and thinks stem my ideas, my notions, my ideas. 


I take interest in human life that surrounds me. Since a lot of what surrounds me also happened to exist in the past -- perhaps a past I was in, perhaps a past before my time, I also am extremely enthralled in that. It's just how I roll. Many of the concepts and events that have happened have inspired me in my work, yet they are still channeled through me first. Wherever these thinks come from... the Universe? Europe? Kansas? ... they have to pass through me - through my brain - before they hit paper or canvas or film or whatever happens to be within reach. 


Much of my photography is captured candidly. I photograph what I see, not what I know or think. I'd like to change this. Well, maybe not so much change as revise. I love going out and being a picture taker, but I'd also like to get to know the picture maker side of myself. Much of what I write would be better suited in a different media. It may not necessarily even be photography, either. Who knows. We'll see. 




-Which does your artistic attitude focus upon? Accuracy? Distortion? or Idealization? Defend and explain.


Idealization. Naturalism. Romance. Humanism. The list goes on. 


Explain, you ask? Because these are the things that I deem important and a part of my thought processes. I don't know why, exactly. They just do. Accepting/acknowledging them is something that I've struggled with for a while and now that I've finally been able to, I don't really want to look the proverbial gift horse in the mouth. 


I'm sure these values will change. Indeed, I expect them to. Some may stay, some may go... they're really just the dependent variables of how much life I've lived. I realize that and can do nothing about it except go with the flow. Ride the tide. Hang ten, dude. It's an exhausting process. No wonder he majority of people look back on their teen and young adult years as an angsty time full of upheaval and change. But it creates creativity and stimulates thoughts and results in unstable yet experienced middle aged people. (My thoughts on this whole thing are alarmingly skewed on whether it's a positive or negative experience, so bear with the occasional sardonic contradicitons.)


But since these values are here now, they guide me in how I think, how I look at the world, how I present myself and my art to fellow humans.